Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
