If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
