He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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