If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
