i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
