He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
