Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
