I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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