So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
