none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
