She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
