loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
