I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
