Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize