Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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