Can i not drive my cunt home
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
