4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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