We're like a lot better than the average bears
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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