my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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