the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
