Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
please don't ironically join a cult
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