This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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