My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize