Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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