My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
