I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He has the fingertips of a God
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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