I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
