when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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