just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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