Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
