hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My vagina is very pro this idea
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
