theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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