All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
