nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
