I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she peed on how many people?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
