Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
