there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
