When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
