I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
