kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
