She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
