Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
