I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
