just tell him i said nine months
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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