The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Let's get the cat blown out
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
