I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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