I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
