Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it's great music for shaving your balls
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
