I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize