Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
