Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Even my vagina gasped.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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