College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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