I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
