I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
