If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
