No stitches, just platelets and will power
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
