Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Randomize
