Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
