What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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