I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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