he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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