Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize