some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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