I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize