sarcasm needs its own font
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
