New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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