bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize