I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you would pick up someone in the library
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
