I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize