I wish life had little blips of pornography
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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